The Never-ending Game
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: A person could only watch so many people in their life die before they realize that it's a curse. That it is them. One can only be hurt, betrayed, and left by themselves so many times before they come to the stark realization that if they let no one in, no one can leave. No one can run away. They can't hurt you if you felt nothing for them to begin with. Right? - One-shot.


The Never-ending Game

It was kind of like playing a horrid little game of waiting. Waiting for when the next would go. Not that it made her special, but eventually when the body count gets high enough, one does begin to feel somewhat different, separate.

A person could only watch so many people in their life die before they realize that it's a curse. That it is them. One can only be hurt, betrayed, and left by themselves so many times before they come to the stark realization that if they let no one in, no one can leave. No one can run away. They can't hurt you if you felt nothing for them to begin with. Right?

Right?

So when he first left, when he first said goodbye, it was easy enough to write him off and go back to normal life. There was so much more important things to focus on, after all, than a silly, little Overlander. So she did focus on them. She did find interest in other things again. She had to. She did have a city to rebuild, after all.

The complication arose when he came back, less than a year later. She had never had that happen before. Not really. Hamnet, maybe, could count. He had come back, though it was for a short time. Having that as her only reference place, she played it much the same as she did with him. Acted indifferent, if not down right bothered, by his reappearance. It was not hard.

She was rather cold inside, mind you.

The only problem was that there was not a massive army of cutters waiting to tear Gregor down. There were other things, however, such as his schooling and his parents, who were still insistent that he stay far away from the Underland. Not to mention all the dangers just being in the Underland held for him. She decided to wait one of the options out.

But then he lived.

And then his parents found, as most will, other things to worry about.

Not to mention he was doing perfectly fine in his studies, as miraculous as it was.

There were other things, however, that she knew would eventually send him away again, for good. The first and most important was her in general. She was not an easy friend to have. Even when they didn't have a gigantic white rat breathing down their necks. She was bossy, arrogant, occasionally ignorant, and just downright mean-spirited at times. She honestly did not know why anyone would ever wish to stay friends with her for long.

…But he did.

No matter how hard she tried to make him runaway, he only stayed away for a day at most. He'd go back to the Overland, sulk about whatever sort of fight they had, and then be back after school the next day, if not earlier should it be a Saturday or Sunday.

There were other problems, of course, that would come from their friendship. Mainly the fact that without a new quest for them to sneak off on, there was very little time for them to spend together. She was constantly busy, what with her own schooling in what being a queen truly meant. She no longer had Solovet to hide behind and Vikus was more or less out of power. Susannah came form the Fount more frequently, to help direct her, but a lot of things fell directly to her, as she adamantly attempt to block the form of a new council.

Not to mention, it would be rather indecent for them to spend _too much_ time together. Especially alone. That was off the table all together. They were getting older and no one would take much for a teenaged boy hanging around the underage Queen too kindly. Not even Queen, not truly. She was far too young to be…involved with anyone. Even a platonic friendship with someone such as him could be damaging to reputation. No, they could not have that.

And if all of that could not keep him away, there was always good ol' Howard. Never before had she seen so much of her cousin. He was around _constantly_. Even when Gregor was not even in the Underland much less Regalia, Howard would be roaming around. It led to many fights between the two of them. (Though unfortunately he did not run away either. Really, what was so special about her? She could not see whatever it was that they did.)

Yet there Gregor was. Even more so during breaks from school. There were times when he just stayed the entire week in the Underland during those times. And during the summer months, there was no getting rid of him. When they would fight, he would just find another person in the palace to be around. Hazard, Mareth, Howard (who was never far. Believe her, she knew.) Then when he thought enough time had passed, he'd be right back under her feet, craving attention once more.

It was ludicrous really. She had family members dropping left and right from her life, but there he was. She could never get rid of him.

Not that she tried…too hard. At times, yes, she did. Particularly during one fight she did try to rid the entire Underland with him. But what would another had done, had he sided with a gnawer, a damn _rat_, on a land dispute?

But regardless, he was back the next day, a sister or two in tow, ready to spend all his time in the fair tale world below. It was almost comical. It was completely sad. Pathetic. Could he not live in his own world and leave her to hers?

Of course, their relationship took many evolutions during that time. If one was to ask either of them they did not really have a 'relationship' per se. Most definitely not, considering they weren't allowed to, but even between the two of them they did not call it that. They honestly did not even call it a friendship, but that was another matter entirely.

When he first came back to her, they were still only children, really. And there was no longer a blood-thirsty gnawer just waiting around to kill him, so that definitely killed the desperation that originally forced them together. He was not inevitably leaving, either, which obviously destroyed the desire to spill their guts to one another about their feelings. Instead, they more or less were left at the beginning again. It did not help that she was resistant to even being friendly towards him, as she was awaiting what in her mind was an unavoidable departure once more.

With all of that in the mix, there relationship was more or less dead for that first year. They were sort of friends, if one squinted, but that was what they had been since they had met and completed the Prophecy of Gray. Even going into the second year of his return, things were not exactly normal between them. She was still unintentionally trying to force him out. They were still young, not to mention, and were both going through their own sudden changes with in themselves that would inevitably lead to more awkwardness between them.

But still, he stuck close. Even when they were under the close eye of Howard, if not the entire city of Regalia. Even when his parents gave him hell over the fact that he was, once again, getting sucked into the Underland slowly, but surely. Even when she would scream at him, yell at him, berate him, and attempt to publicly embarrass him. Even when she told him flat out that she wished nothing more than for him to never return to Regalia.

He was always back. And it was probably sometime during all that that they were able to build an entirely new relationship. It was also about that time that Howard finally became a real doctor…and was shipped away back to the Fount. Not that she had anything to do with that…much.

They were older then, of course, and only continued to age. That did not bode well for Susannah, who was attempting to get her more interested in finding a suitable male for when she was coroneted instead of spending all her time with someone that was not only unsuitable, but also just not in the running. She knew she had time though, Susannah did, which is why she started early.

But then more time was added. More months, another year. And even though her aunt, as the only female member of her family (other than Nerissa), attempted to explain to her a great deal of times the importance of purity for a young girl…things happened. More or less in succession.

That became a fun game with in itself. How far were they willing to go, could he sneak out of the royal wing or in it for that matter, how much attention she could give the men her aunt brought around before the Overlander got upset. Not to mention just not getting caught, the sneakiness of it all, was a major plus for them. It was high stakes, he told her. More so than fooling around at your parents' house, as he put it.

Whatever that meant.

It did not help the situation that in the Underland, there really was no drinking age. If one had parents, they more or less regulated that. She did not and Gregor's were far away. Which meant they both spent much time testing limits as far as alcohol went. Which mixed well (or unwell if you were Susannah) with the other things they found to occupy their time. Gregor knew many things from the Overland that she would never have known, being so essentially sheltered. Sure, she had violence galore, but sex (and the things that he explained didn't _technically _count as sex) was nothing that would have been brought up very often in her presence, had it not been for him.

Eventually, she forgot about the first game of waiting and fell more into the game of temptation that they both were become so accustomed to. That one lasted and interested them for a long time. She figured mostly it was the forbidden aspect of it all. A child always wanted a cookie more when they were told they could not have it.

It got to the point where even Susannah threw in the towel, instead taking to praying that her mother and sister, wherever they were, did not blame her for how things were turning out. What more could she do? She was not her mother. And even if she was, she doubted there was much Judith could do. She was quite insistent that she was going to live her own life, her reputation and purity be damned. What more could she do? She couldn't very well chain the girl up in the dungeons until she came to her senses.

Err, well, Solovet probably could. And probably would have. Once Gregor was of no use to her, she very well might have killed him herself and then claimed it was in only in her attempt to fulfill the Prophecy of Time.

Even at her coronation, when the time came, Susannah was only left shaking her head. When she should have been introducing her to even more men, their new Queen was busy talking with the Overlander. It was most maddening. Susannah should have been bringing older men to her then, as she should have already introduced those near her age before, as she was of age then and marrying older would serve the realm good. Instead, Susannah could only watch the new Queen socialize with the Overlander and hardly no one else.

Give it time. That is what York told her. He said that if she thought they did not care, that no one cared, eventually the attraction would die. That they were both young, she and the Overlander, and had to tire of one another eventually. And when the forbidden fruit was no longer banned and became regulation, it would not taste nearly as sweet. She would be just as good to any man in a year as she would right then.

But all that did was give even more time a chance to pass. And with her coronation behind her, the Queen had many new things to worry about. It was her, finally, officially her, that was in control of her entire kingdom. She should have been enjoying her newfound freedom, but it was proving just to be more stressful. And the most maddening thing of all?

The game, the original game, had never gone away. It might have been overshadowed by a new one, but she was just where she had always be in it. No progress had been made. Because as she got older, that unfortunately meant that Gregor too got older. He was getting freedoms himself, in theory a lot more than her, as well as new responsibilities.

Jealousy was quick to set in. Mostly over the fact that he was, honestly, away from her for long stretches of time. Not that she did not trust him. She did. But…it was an entire world away from her, his life was. His real life was. He had friends that did not even know he was in a relationship, much less one with her.

Which, she might add, they still had not called it. Relationship. It was what it always had been. Just them. Unfortunately, just them was slowly becoming just her. Because the one thing she had never accounted for in the game, the one thing she did not know about, was the fact that no matter what she felt, his feelings meant just as much.

He tried to explain it to her, he really did. He tried to tell her that he only cared for her, that everything up there was only something he had to do. And that made sense. Kind of. And she took him at his word for the most part, but it only grew. Distrust was far more easy to breed than its counterpart. It got to the point where she just could not do it any longer. Her aunt, her cousin, all of Regalia and the Fount had won. She was not one to give up, but when she was beat, she was beat. And she finally conceded that point.

He did not take well to it. They had their worst fight ever, honestly, when she told him that perhaps they were finally too old. That she was finally too old. Some games lose their thrill after awhile. And the new addition to the rules, the one where she constantly felt suspicious and exhausted when he was away was not something she could take.

Begging was his first course of action. Then came him telling her that nothing had happened. Ever. That whatever it was she thought was happening, was not. That he would prove it to her, take her above, if he could. Next came anger.

And boy was he angry.

He accused her of vile things. Truly vile. No more vile than what she accused him of, but it seemed a lot harsher coming out of his mouth, honestly. He reasoned that, as he knew that he had done nothing, that it was her, pushing all her faults off on him. She had found someone, while he was away above, and did not wish to say it. He had a list of names to hurl at her, and he did so.

This only succeeded in making her just as angry as him. She was no longer defeated. She was not loner tired. She was, as he would say, pissed. And how could she not be? After he said all those things?

They argued for over an hour. It was rather loud too. More than once she noticed her guards peek into the sitting room, as if to make sure that they were both okay. They were not, but they had made it that way. They made their mess. Both of their families had tried to keep them from doing so, but they had ignored them. And in that moment they had to clean it up.

In the end, she had to finish it. She told him that they needed space, both of them. They needed to be away from one another. If not permanently, at least long enough to sort things out for themselves. He was done then, defeated, and only headed off to find a flier to take him back home.

Home. He belonged there, in his home, and she in hers. Why did it take so long for them to both see it?

She cried that night, harder than she had in a long time. Lying in her bed, alone, with only the darkness. Because the game was finally over. And she had lost. But was there any other way for it to end?

He did not come back then, for a long time. And no one mentioned it. Other than Hazard, who had never rightfully learned when to just leave well enough alone. She only ignored him though, only speaking his name aloud when she and Aurora were alone. Because he was much like Ares then, like Henry, or Judith. Dead. Finally. It had been the most prolonged killing she had experienced, but finally it was done.

Because everyone always left her. Always. There was no other way. Especially men. She did not have a good track record of keeping those alive long. The more they loved her, the quicker they disappeared. She was destined to be alone. That's all there was to it.

…Until she was injured, that is.

It was really a rather silly endeavor on her part to master a new trick with Aurora. She had never rightfully outgrown her need to impress others and was practicing a new way of falling off her bond. Except the one time she did not stick the landing was the same time that she happened to be high enough up in the air that it caused major damage.

Aurora told her later that her skull made a horrible noise when she hit the ground. Everyone in the arena stopped. Mareth, he was always so cute, he was training children that day and was the first to her side. He almost stumbled over his prosthetic on the way, but he was the first there, calling for a medic. She never had rightfully given him the respect he deserved.

Gregor came almost immediately. She would later learn that it was Hazard who informed him of the accident, as the two had been apparently trading notes through the grate for some time. Never had it occurred to her that he had lost someone too. The Overlander was the closest alley Hazard had against her, against the world and all its injustice (which again, was mainly just her). Of course they would still keep in contact. Of course.

When he arrived, he was not really supposed to be allowed in to see her. And without York and Susannah's insistence and threat that if he was not, jobs would be lost (it was tough being a guard), he never would have. But once he was, she was told that he just stayed with her for most of the day. All of the days. She was out of it for a good number of them.

When she awoke, she had a long road to recovery. And he was insistent that he be involved in all of it. She yelled at him. She hit him. Once, she almost pushed him out one of the balconies in the palace (though he completely deserved it at the time. Completely.) He was right back to his old self though, acting oblivious to anything she mentioned about their previous fight. It happened to be some sort of break for him in school, though she was nearly certain that it wouldn't have made a difference either way. His last summer break, she was almost sure was what he had called it. Maybe.

It might have been even more depressing, having him back in her life to see all of it, than having him gone and seeing none of it. She was gong through a rather dark period then, even for her. And worst of all, another war was brewing, though she could not be too upset about that. Peace can only be upheld for so long, after all.

He slept in bed with her most nights. Her reputation was dead, long dead by then, and she wasn't so certain that she had ever cared much for what others thought anyways. She did not make him sneak around nearly as much. It was very open that he was staying with her in the royal wing.

…Except of course to his parents, who was under the strict impression that he had his own room in the palace that he used when he stayed overnight. Gregor assured her though that even they knew, deep down. That they had to. They were just pretending to be oblivious to save themselves an argument.

That's how they were in that moment. Gregor was sleeping next to her, snoring slightly. She was unable to sleep, as her head was bothering her. Headaches were pretty frequent for her, after the accident. She just had to put up with them.

Reaching over then, she stroked the back of his head, ruffling his hair slightly. He let out a groan then, turning to look at her.

"Hey?" he mumbled, peeking an eye open. "Something wrong?"

She only stared at him before shaking her head slightly. There really was no reason for waking him other than the fact that she hadn't been able to sleep. And if she couldn't sleep, then she did not want him to be able to sleep.

"Mmmm." He pulled her closer to him then, sighing slightly. "Tell me if you need something."

That was a new game too. Now that the first one was reinstated and the second one had become stale, the third was turning out to be the only fun one. Seeing how much she could ask of him before he gave in. She knew part of it was guilt on his part, that she had been injured while he was away, and she was using it to her advantage. Not that he should be expecting anything less.

Still, the first game was not to be overtaken. She knew that he was back because he felt he had to be. She had been injured and therefore she now needed him. And maybe she did. What difference did it make? The point was eventually she would be all healed up and he would be gone again. Maybe she could pull off injuring herself again in an attempt to keep him, but that just reeked of desperation.

"Your head hurt?" Gregor pulled her to him, being careful with her. He was very scared of head injuries and it was rather obvious to her that he didn't trust the Underland doctors as much as he did his in the Overland. She could not blame him, really. She was nearly certain that they were far more advanced above. "Poor baby. You want me to get you something?"

Again, she shook her head slightly. He only responded by kissing her forehead, like she was a child or something. Ugh.

"Just tell me," he reiterated. "It's why I'm here."

See? That's why he was there.

"What time is it, you think?" Gregor groaned, sitting up then. "You're supposed to have a meeting or something today, right? To discuss the gnawers? I'mma go. I gotta walk you there, anyways. I mean, I can go, right?"

Not answering, she held up her hand then, waiting a moment, before he moved to press one of his against it. It was something they used to do, when they were kids. Connected. Together.

"Your hands are so dainty," he mumbled sleepily, easily letting his fingers fall between hers, interlacing them. He fell back onto the bed then with a soft sigh. "Mmmm. I have to go home tomorrow."

That got her attention.

"What?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I have to register for school, you know?"

"No. What?"

"For classes. I have to go down and register. I tell you every year," he complained slightly, still holding her hand in his own. "I just gotta do that and I'll probably, I dunno, eat and hangout for awhile. Unless-"

"I need you," she said then, quickly. "Here. With me."

"I can't just-"

She tossed his hand from hers before shaking her head. "If you do not wish to be here, Overlander, then go now. I-'

"Mmmm." He snuggled her to him then, kissing the side of her neck. "I'll come back then. I gotta register for school, but I won't do nothing else. 'cause you don't want me to. Okay?"

"I do not see why you must…register for-"

"Poor baby," he groaned with a sigh. "I just gotta, okay? It's my senior year. Then we don't gotta worry about it no more. Alright?"

"But-"

"It's something my parents want me to do. Finish school. I have already broken promise after promise to them about this place. I have to give them something."

He held out his hand then, awaiting the same response he had given. She only turned onto her side, giving him her back.

"You're not too nice today," he mumbled, cuddling up against her back. "It's okay. I know it's been hard on you. The…brain injury and all. I don't blame you."

"Me?"

"You," he repeated, laughing slightly.

"It was your fault," she reminded. She could not give up on that guilt thing. She just couldn't. "You weren't here."

That got him to shut up for a long time. She was nearly certain that he had fallen asleep, but wasn't too sure. She found that he wasn't when he finally got up about an hour later.

"I'll just head back to the fucking Overland now," he was grumbling while she only laid in bed. "I don't have to put up with your shit all the time, you know? Especially not when I'm being nice to you. You get that right? Freaking hell."

Not moving from the bed, she merely said calmly, "Then stop coming back."

"Damn right I'm not coming back," he was still going on. "Come back to this. Whatever. You think you're so great? Hell, I'm one of your only fucking friends. Where the hell do you get off-"

"Then stop coming back," she told him softly. "It only makes it worse, yes? And if you're so happy above-"

"Not this again," he groaned. "Okay, yes, there are other people I know in the Overland. And yes, some of them are chicks. Get the hell over it."

"Just do not come back," she told him again. "Enough. It's done. It's over. _I do not want you here, Gregor_. I told you that before. Hazard is the one that asked you to come back, and fine, yes, I wanted you here when I was in the hospital, but I am better now."

"Oh, you're better? Yeah, right, you still-"

"Leave, Gregor. Just go. You do not belong here. I do not wish for you here. I have war to plan for." She swallowed. "And I plan to marry at the end of the war. Susannah has been more than helpful in it. I only used you because I needed someone to help me, when I first left the hospital. That time is over now. Goodbye."

He didn't have a quick response to that. She was lying, of course, and had he been able to see her face, he would have known it. But he wasn't looking at her. He only heard the serious tone she had taken. And it sounded good enough. They were, for all intents and purposes, broken up before the accident. It made sense.

"You're a bitch," was the last thing he said to her before leaving.

The day went much as planned for her, once he was gone. The only one that questioned his sudden disappearance was Hazard, but she actively ignored him. This of course sent him into his usual accusations of how she had scared him off, once again. How Gregor was the one that understood him and all this other boring stuff that she mostly blocked out. If she was going to manage to live without Gregor, he had better start learning too.

But then the night fell and she was alone in her bed for the fist time in awhile. Aurora had stayed in her room for awhile, but eventually she let her go. She knew that her bond had other things to attend to than watching over her. It wasn't her job.

It was a fitful sleep that she fell into that night. And not halfway through it, she was awakened to the sound of someone talking. To her.

"-sorry. Never again. Huh? You're just so hurt, you know, about the accident. It'll get better."

Blinking her eyes open lazily, she stared at him, it not making sense for her to be upset with him for a moment or two. She had just woken up after all, and was slightly thankful to him for ending the nightmare she was having.

He nuzzled against her hand when she held it against his cheek. He had shaved while he was home and it made her frown.

Home. He had gone home. She has sent him home.

"We have the rest of summer," he was telling her then. "And then, I'll come here every day after school. You like that? Would you? Huh? 'cause if you do, that's what I'll do. Promise."

"You're back," was all she mumbled.

"Of course." He kissed her then, gently, before saying, "I love you, Luxa. I'll always come back. Always."

She turned away from him, but he just took to snuggling up against her, like a freaking child or something. Ugh. Once again, the first game had destroyed the new game. And honestly, she was not sure how long she could continue playing it before she lost her mind.

"Sometimes, Gregor, I think it'd be better off if you had just died," she whispered to him once he fell back asleep, all snuggled against her. She only turned towards him before leaning down to kiss his head. "Because I don't know how much more of this game I can take."


End file.
